I don’t know anything about real celebrities, but their lesser-know locally-based counterparts are a bitch to be around.
The Watson’s girl and I went to college together. Not that we ever interacted, but anyone living within 50 miles of Indianapolis is going to know who she is. She’s the girl whose step-father supposedly paid for her boob job and then used them to shill waterbeds and hot tubs. She has the style of an aging Vegas showgirl who is one paycheck away from hooking and a smile that makes you wonder about her sanity. In college she liked to park in handicap spaces and would explode into screaming, angry tears if told she had to move. While we were both volunteering at a telethon (I was answering phones, she was wearing a dress with diamond shaped openings all down the front) I saw her take a bite of a donut, put it back in the box with the uncontaminated donuts, and then drink the last of the coffee without making more.
Stanley Kahn, the king of local sleazy lawyers, yelled at me because I put to much cream cheese on his bagel. He then complained to my boss about my attitude (which was bad) and threw his bagel on the floor. My boss took me in the back, away from the watchful eye of Mr. Kahn who was smirking at what he assumed was my impending flogging. Instead, my boss and I spent 10 minutes debating who could do a better Stanley Kahn impression (eventually the Russian dishwasher won). I got ten dollars in tips from sympathetic onlookers.
Indianapolis is lucky enough to be home to Blair Karsch, the world’s worst poet. I witnessed him yelling at a book store employee (I also worked at said bookstore, but hid behind the shelves to escape The Poets small, sad wrath) because his self-published book had been placed in the clearance section. He went on for ten minutes about how he was not getting the respect he deserved as an artist. He also likes to corrupt moderately talented up-and-coming poets by telling them their poems need to “rhyme more.” If you doubt my claims about the quality of Karsch’s poetry, enjoy the below exerpt.
Excerpted from Bigger Than Cool: Motivational and Inspirational Thought Provoking Poetry by Blair A. Karsch.
“This Book”
This book has subjects
Some caught, some keen
Things fun and real
The youthful beem.
A casual look closer depth
Leave or love thoughts, much left
Much more time subject lines
TV shows all not fine.
So take a look
A thought, a look
All is good
A book life’s nook.
To children, to students
No nature let’s dial
Thank you much
Now let’s all smile.
21 responses so far ↓
specialagentdalecooper // July 2, 2007 at 7:18 pm |
That poetry excerpt was deliciously painful… delightfully nauseating. Yikes.
beetqueen // July 3, 2007 at 1:12 am |
Whenever I start to think, “hey, I’m not a poet,” I’ll look at this poem and say, “well, I’m still not a poet, but at least I’m also not a moron like this guy.”
Courtney // July 3, 2007 at 1:31 am |
My dad likes to point out “Big Fish in a Small Pond Syndrome,” as he calls it. Which, in Indiana, is way too common. You just don’t seem to see it all that much in other cities. But I have had some relatively positive encounters with some Big Fish at the coffee shop. David MacAnally fro Channel 13 News is a super polite guy. He also likes bagels and has never thrown one on the floor.
Philbug // July 18, 2007 at 12:43 am |
So, I just finished telling teh story of “The Blair A Karsch incident” to fellow co-workers at HPB. No one could believe how horrible his poetry was, and then we found your quotation from the book, from google. We know who you are, but will not reveal your secret identity!
ficklefoe // July 18, 2007 at 3:47 pm |
Secret identity! I like the ring of that. How odd we were both thinking of Karsch. He can’t enter the consciousness of anyone (other than his Mom, maybe) more than once a year.
blairsfriend // May 19, 2008 at 12:02 am |
i know blair karsch personally and he’s a warm and kind man. you probably caught him on a bad day. what’s wrong with a person who sticks up for himself? his poetry is written for kids. it’s supposed to be light and fun. he does have a lot of mature and deep poems as well….that don’t rhyme. he’s changed a lot of people’s lives in a positive way….that’s probably more than anyone could say about you considering you waste time complaining about others on your stupid blog.
ficklefoe // May 19, 2008 at 3:44 pm |
You had me until the stupid blog comment. The only thing worse than wasting time writing a stupid blog is wasting your time googling your friends and leaving mildly hostile comments on other people’s blog.
JimPanzee // June 3, 2008 at 5:48 pm |
Dear Blairsfriend: I’m glad you followed in the footsteps of your friend and decided to change this blog author’s and its readers’ lives in a positive way by insulting the author. Fantastic.
Also, I met Blair Karsch several years ago and I found him to be a condescending, self-important ass. And considering I’m a condescending, self-important ass you can take that with as much or as little salt as you’d like. Maybe your friend Karsch is like all those guys I went to high school with that are really nice to the people they already know or think can help them out in some way. In any case, I doubt seriously the truth behind the description of him you write here and then betray.
DINOVERN WILDAMA // June 11, 2008 at 3:43 am |
Who ever wrote this blog doesn’t no shit about Mr. Blair. His book hasn’t been in stores for seven years and I know for a fact he is negotiating a international book deal. His open mic events actract over 200 people I’ve been knowing Mr. Blair personally for 15 years, since I was in the third grade and I never saw him raise his voice at anyone. Wherever he goes in Indianapolis people know who he is and respect him. Mr. Blair is an inspiration to the youth and inspire them to read, write and abtain a great education to build a brighter future for them. All his time and energy goes into helping inter-city children in the most creative and heart felt way. You might go south of 86th St. to learrn something about the world.
You can sign up at BlairKarsch.com
JimPanzee // June 11, 2008 at 4:01 pm |
Your personal anecdotes aside Dinovern Wildama, but I was there and he was a jerk. So, you know, do what you want with that information. Secondly, did he inspire you to get on other people’s blogs and cuss at them like an ignorant buffoon? Is that a part of Blair’s inspiration for a brighter future for you?
Are we supposed to be impressed that a self-published poet is “negotiating a[n] international book deal? And, who cares if he fills rooms of 200 listeners? Some of the worst poetry is loved by the most people. Karsch isn’t even special in that regard.
And also, his book has been in stores for at least that long. As a matter of fact, a simple search on Amazon.com will reveal that Bigger than Cool was published in 1996.
And lastly, the post presents and opinion of both Karsch and his poetry and there is literally nothing in the world you can say that will disprove anything written here because this isn’t about facts. So you can boohoo all you want that someone insulted your friend but the bottom line here is, DW, that not everybody likes everybody that you like and you’ll just have to get used that.
So, you know, you might want to venture out of your hate hole, to, you know, learn something about what you’re talking about. Thank you and come back anytime.
G.G. Luv ya Mr Blair! // July 5, 2008 at 10:20 pm |
Thank u Dinovera. U guys dont know mr blair . Hes a great inspiration to kids. Ive known him since kindergarten and he is the type of person that tries to keep peace. So 4 those of u who think u no mr Blair, u dont . If its somthing u have 2 say bad about him its not true . And Jim Panzee, lets see u make a book and get it in stores. And also try 2 bust a verse off the top of the dome. Hard isnt it? So Jim I truly think u should shove it. Thank u.
JimPanzee // July 9, 2008 at 4:19 pm |
Dear GG Luv ya Mr Blair:
Your claims are as follows:
1. He is an inspiration to kids.
2. You have known him since kindergarten (I assume you mean since you have been in kindergarten not that you two went to kindergarten together.)
3. He is the kind of person that keeps the peace.
4. If I have something bad to say about him, it’s not true.
And then you challenge me to come up 25 pages of “stay in school, because it’s cool; your hair is red and on your head” rhymes. And then you tell me to “shove it.”
Awesome. Let’s take a look at these claims in order shall we?
He is an inspiration to kids. That’s real nice but the blogpost in question is how he was a raging dickhead to adults. Your claim that he is an inspiration to kids does not tackle the fundamental claim of this post. Moving on…
You have known him since you were in kindergarten. Fantastic. I hope you were inspired by his good example. I hope you too are an inspiration to kids and are inspired to keep the peace.
If I have something bad to say about him, it isn’t true. Well, I don’t see how you can claim that at all, seeing as how you obviously didn’t see him do what I saw him do. The fact of the matter here, GG, is I saw him behave like a petulant egotist and all of your claims to the contrary won’t make that episode vanish from his past. Now…if you wanted to claim that maybe he was just having a bad day…then I might be more inclined to believe you. But since you and the others who have decided to chime in on Mr. Karsch’s defense repeatedly claim a Christ-like goodness from the man–a level of perfect clearheaded calmness that no human can muster, I can only assume 1) that you are a naive imbecile, or 2) that you were asked to come to defend his honor. In either case, I know what I witnessed and you are factually wrong and it makes no difference to me if that makes it hard for you to sleep at night.
In response to your challenge: June, moon, boon, rune, soon, goon, noon.
No, it really isn’t hard to come up with “quality rhymes” of the Karsch level. Sorry.
But more to the point, I don’t have to write a book to know whether poems are good or not, any more than you have to write a book on friendship to know if Karsch is a good friend or not. And the fact that something is “hard” does not limit my ability to critique it. Have you ever thought to yourself that a movie wasn’t good? Or that a painting was sloppy? Or that a TV show that was supposed to be funny wasn’t? Well, then, I’d like to see you write and direct a movie, paint a picture, or act in a television show.
Actually I wouldn’t, because its irrelevant. The thing is, that Karsch presents his poems in public, both in written form and as performances. They are presented to an audience and the audience is implicitly asked to affirm or deny their goodness. As one of Karsch’s audience members I can tell, those poems suck. Hard. Now, you have every right to disagree with me. And I can respond that you have horrible taste in poetry. You can disagree with that too. And we can go back and forth all day long and you know? I’ll never be wrong about that. And neither will you. That’s called an opinion. So, I guess, the point here is two-fold: 1) it isn’t hard to write poems at the level that Karsch does and 2) you like them and I don’t. Well, that hardly got us anywhere did it?
And, just for the record, I have written poems, and, more than that, unlike Karsch who paid to have his own book printed, I’ve been paid for mine. So, I don’t know…nyah! (or whatever juvenile invective works best for you).
And finally in response to your request that I “shove it.” Well, I can see that you, like the others that have claimed to be inspired by Mr. Karsch, find it impossible to defend his honor and so-called inspirational character without resorting to childish bullying and playground rhetoric. So going back to the second point above, I guess his example isn’t that powerful for you. Or…maybe it is….maybe I’m right after all and Karsch serves as an example for how to be a self-loving dimwit which is why people like you keep coming on here to tell me why Karsch is such a positive influence but can’t stop from being incredibly rude in the process. Funny, isn’t it? The way you guys keep proving my point while trying to defend the guy that read crappy poetry to your kindergarten reading circle.
And may I just toss in that your chosen spelling choices are too cute by half. Grow up and come back when we can talk about our friends at something more than a kindergartner’s level.
CPBvK // July 19, 2008 at 5:04 am |
Our Lord Blair Karsch is the new Messiah! Mock His Poetry at your risk! Wake up and listen to The Law! The end is nigh!
CPBvK // July 19, 2008 at 5:23 am |
Oh yeah, and congratulations on getting paid for the poems.
G.G. Luv ya Mr Blair! // July 29, 2008 at 6:50 pm |
Jim, maybe u just caught him at the wrong moment and just like everyone else we all have times where someone just so happens to catch us doing something wrong. So if we see someone do something bad and thats all we see them doing, we will assume that they are a bad person. For Mr Blair his good traits outweighs the bad and you also have to think, what did the person do to make him act like that?
JimPanzee // July 30, 2008 at 6:21 pm |
As I said, I think claims that he was caught on a bad day are possible and his actions are infinitely forgivable. However, ridicule for acting poorly is part of the social controls that keep people from acting that way all the time. And because of that, I support this post’s effort to hold a mirror up to any that read it. If you don’t want to be made fun of for acting like a petulant fool in public, then don’t act like a petulant fool in public. Or, since we can’t please everybody, learn to ignore the commentary made by those that don’t matter to you.
I’m glad that you have found an inspiration for good thought and good behavior in the person of Blair Karsch. I hope his example holds you in good stead.
JimPanzee // July 30, 2008 at 6:30 pm |
CPBvK.
Er….thanks?
Nice bird blog but you have strange tastes in Messiahs.
But really. Are you really CPBvK? because if so, your art is par excellence. What brought you to Fickle Foe? I have a hard time believing that you were websearching “Blair Karsch.”
G.G. Luv ya Mr Blair! // August 28, 2008 at 9:43 pm |
By the way Jim refering to”my spelling choices are too cute by half”, that’s a nice compliment for a 12 year old girl.
CPBvK // September 18, 2008 at 11:49 pm |
Dear Mr. Panzee.
Thanks for complimenting my work.
Just dropping by as part of my regular messiah-googling rite.
becky kern // April 13, 2009 at 3:14 pm |
I was at the bagel store the day Mr. Kahn was and you were rude to him. And I didn’t see anyone give you a tip. Also he didn’t throw the bagel on the floor either. Wow do you make up stories.
JimPanzee // July 2, 2009 at 7:16 pm |
Really Becky Kern?…really. You’d put your not-so-at-risk reputation on the line to defend this claim then? What bagel store was it? When was it? What does the author of this blog look like?
Why would you lie to defend Stanley Kahn. It’s weird. It’s also weird that you would lie to defend someone’s honor. Who’s going to defend your honor now? And why would they? What would they defend? Your integrity?