It’s Thanksgiving and I’m full of spite against my friends who think they have so much to be thankful for. I want more mean spirited rants against selfish drivers and stupid customers. It’s like I don’t even know these people. So to balance out all that goodness and light, here is a list of things I’m not thankful for.
- Ugly babies
- Neapolitan ice cream with all the chocolate eaten out
- My selfish boyfriend who won’t buy me a queen size bed
- Daylight savings
- Sixty thousand in student loan bills
- FoxNews and anyone who watches it
- Puns
- Sweaters that seem cute but are in reality itchy betrayers
- People who are smarter than me
- The picture on the box of Tofurky that promises so much more than it can deliver
- Societies inability to produce a comfortable bra
- People who prance around in front of me with their adorable dogs that I will never have (see #3)
- No matter how much I fantasize, I’ll never be a sexy ninja
- People who don’t list me on their list of things they are thankful for
- Michael Bay
- That Boo Berry comes but once a year
- Buffy and Firefly are never coming back
- My inability to fly
- Christian Bale is always snubbing me
- Overly negative people
3 responses so far ↓
specialagentdalecooper // November 26, 2007 at 8:21 pm |
Tonight when I get home, I’m going to saw our bed in half and burn the bigger half just to spite you.
gb // November 27, 2007 at 12:47 am |
This kind of stuff is exactly what the pilgrims and Indians had in mind. Next up: Fickle Foe drowns the baby Jesus on Christmas.
beetqueen // November 27, 2007 at 12:49 am |
Since the bigger half is probably his (since he’s a big ol’ monster and you aren’t), I’m guessing you’ll sleep comfortably while he curls up for warmth in the smoking ashes. At least you won’t have to share the covers.