It’s Thanksgiving and I’m full of spite against my friends who think they have so much to be thankful for. I want more mean spirited rants against selfish drivers and stupid customers. It’s like I don’t even know these people. So to balance out all that goodness and light, here is a list of things I’m not thankful for.

1. Ugly babies
2.  Neapolitan ice cream with all the chocolate eaten out
3. My selfish boyfriend who won’t buy me a queen size bed
4. Daylight savings
5. Sixty thousand in student loan bills
6. FoxNews and anyone who watches it
7. Puns
8. Sweaters that seem cute but are in reality itchy betrayers
9. People who are smarter than me
10. The picture on the box of Tofurky that promises so much more than it can deliver
11. Societies inability to produce a comfortable bra
12. People who prance around in front of me with their adorable dogs that I will never have (see #3)
13. No matter how much I fantasize, I’ll never be a sexy ninja
14. People who don’t list me on their list of things they are thankful for
15. Michael Bay
16. That Boo Berry comes but once a year
17. Buffy and Firefly are never coming back
18. My inability to fly
19. Christian Bale is always snubbing me
20. Overly negative people